I promise myself in 2020 I will not:
feel guilty. It’s ok to have a Red light day. If I can’t do it, I can’t do it.
If there are people who can't understand that no means no, I can't do it means I can't do it, then they are people that I don't need to have in my life.
In 2018, Lauren Watts wrote on The Mighty.com, that "the worst side effect (of having Fibromyalgia) is guilt". [1]
I will push myself to participate in family gatherings or get-togethers with friends because I don't want them to think I'm rude or that I'm trying to avoid them. I really want the social interactions but sometimes I'm in so much pain and my fatigue levels are so high I really should stay home.
I find, for myself, that Fibromyalgia-related guilt has two sources
(1) external, others try to make me feel guilty for always being sick and tired, especially when they want me to participate in events as described above, and,
(2) internal, I make myself feel guilty over the loss of me.
I miss the pre-fibro me. I was an educated, upper middle-class wife, mom, and LEO. Not only was I working, taking care of minor children, and running a household, but I was working on getting my postgraduate degree in criminology. Then Fibro infiltrated my life. I couldn't work, couldn't continue my education, my children were left to fend for themselves and well, my marriage failed.
I felt guilty for a very long time. I've learned to accept my Fibro and operate around it. If I can, I do. If I can't I don't. Fibromyalgia New Life Outlook reported on Fibro and guilt stating,
"it is what it is. We can’t do all the things we want to do and more often than not we have to change or cancel plans because everything is just a little bit more difficult than we thought it would be. You can worry and feel guilty all you like, but you are unwell and you can’t help it, so just do the best you can and move on. Let those around you help out, and just say thank you." (2)
Endnotes
[1] The guilt that comes with Fibromyalgia. Lauren Watts. April 30, 2018. The Mighty.com https://themighty.com/2018/04/fibromyalgia-sick-guilt-cancel-plans/
[2] Fibro guilt: Why we feel guilty and how to manage the feeling. Sara Bohien. December 28, 2014. https://fibromyalgia.newlifeoutlook.com/search/?keywords=guilt
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